These two images seem to illustrate well the current state of things in this process: striving hard towards the goal and the finish line in sight. Of course, there is still a ways to go! But as i prepare for my first ride alongs and look at the numbers, i'm definitely getting excited. Beyond that, God has been so faithful in supporting me and providing in amazing ways through events and contacts that are so obviously from Him, all i can do is be amazed and give Him the glory. I always said that He would place me exactly where He wanted me but now it seems - like Job - i am seeing with my eyes what before i only knew in hope.
Honestly, the progress even that's taken place gives me so much more hope, even if i don't end up getting hired with Surrey - i feel all the more confident that i am moving in the right direction. God grant me faith and patience till the end of this path, and then grace and strength as i begin down the next.
At the end of the day, this last pic illustrates perfectly what i now feel after months in the "dark" of uncertainty. Soli Deo gloria!
Well, here we go again. Submitted my application to N. Vancouver yesterday; the first of a number of upcoming recruitments. It's exciting and trepidatious all at once and i liken this all to maybe how Abram felt heading out "not knowing" where he was gonna land. I pray as i begin another 'round' of recruitments this year that my faith in God would be like his and that, like Paul, it would be said of me that i ran this race well and gained all from it that God intended it to grow in me. I covet your prayers as always and wait expectantly for this path to unfold before me. God speed. Soli deo gloria.
Today has been a difficult one. I couldn't decide which picture to chose b/c they both express how i feel at the moment, so i just put both of them up. Just feeling confused and frustrated as i got word (or didn't, i should say) that i will not be testing for Kamloops and didn't make it past the resume screening. Now i've gotten 'nos' before and that is never easy but i had a great deal of expectation about this process as my dad works for the department and a number of other 'should-be positives' that i won't bother to list. Needless to say it caught me very much off guard this morning when i saw that i wouldn't be moving on with Kamloops and i am struggling and praying hard against what feesl like a crushing weight of discouragement. I don't understand. I just don't get it. It changes nothing of what i believe about God or His sovereign control over all things. But it also just stings and presses and i'm reeling at the moment. I know i'll land safely in His mighty hands; as the hymn writer said, 'leave, ah, leave me not alone, support and comfort me.' Love your prayers. Love to know what's next.
So my oldest daughter completes her swimming lessons the other day and we have this big celebration all planned for moving on to the next level. Then right at the beginning of the lesson , the teacher hands out the 'report cards' and it says she needs to repeat the same lesson again ... Comments say things like ,'doing really well' and 'so close'; she even has a check in every box required to pass but one! And yet still, the message at the bottom of the page is, "Please re-resister for pre-school Turtles 1". And the whole lesson i'm going through this inner struggle of the fairness of life and i'm planning all the things i'm gonna say to the teacher - half accusing and angry, half asking and meek. But the 'moment of truth' comes and the teacher explains very simply why she's not ready ... and i get that voice in my head that i've come to recognize now from many conversations with my wife that says, "....ohhhh crap ... she's totally right." And so i collect up our things and hug my girl into her towel and tell her how proud i am of how well she did and how much she accomplished and we go home.
Later that day, i got to thinking if maybe that scenario isn't just what God is doing with me right now with regards to getting hired as a firefighter. Maybe my 'report card' has a whole lot of 'checks' but still one or two missing and a gentle "you're so close Wesley but just not quite ready for that job I have for you yet", from a loving Father who knows far better than anyone (even me) what i am, and am not, ready for. i know He's right b/c He's God so, even if i don't feel like i'm not ready, i'll wait for the next 'lesson' and pray that that will be the time the report comes back that i'm ready for this next responsibility. Living God - as ever - increase my faith. Soli Deo gloria.
So here i sit at the start of a new year; filled with anticipation (and, yes, fear) at what God would have for me in career, in family, in life, in my walk with Him. Two departments to apply to this month - Delta Fire and Emergency Services and Port Coquitlam Fire Rescue - and then a bunch more come the spring.
I still believe strongly that this career is the direction God would have me follow. But while the holiday break has been good, it has also made it more difficult to keep focus. When you're working so hard at something and putting so much energy into it, and then take a break from it, it can make building momentum seem more difficult. Anytime you try to start from 'zero' it's always hard, but even from a slowed pace it can be difficult, depending on the load.
Pray for me as i seek God's help to get back up to top speed and ask that He might give me a deep sense of assurance in His sovereign plan for my life. Running into darkness is a thousand times less scary when you know someone you trust has already gone before you and is waiting on the other side. Keep my family in your prayers as well. They have been such an amazing support to me. God grant me the blessing now of providing for them as You provide this job, ability, knowledge, life, breath to me. Amen.
Thought i'd take a brief hiatis from the commentary on my firefighting journey and share this video with anyone who actually reads this :) Just given some good perspective from my BIC (brother in Christ) Matt Chandler in this vidoe he posted just before going in for his brain surgery. Strange to be asking the same kinda questions he must be asking of God, but about vastly different things. Harder to struggle under not getting a job yet when he is struggling under if this is where he 'sheds this mortal coil' and meets his Lord and Saviour. May his final statement about where his treasure truly lies be mine and yours as well: that whatever our hopes and dreams may be for this life, "they are not better than Him". Solus Christus.
Here is the link: http://hv.thevillagechurch.net/blog/hvpastor/?p=363
So, after much waiting and wondering, I get "the e-mail" in the inbox that stops the party before you even open it with the subject "Thank You No Interview". I mean, at least let me open the thing first to find out i didn't get it; let me have some time to ease into it before the bucket of water drops ;)
In case i haven't made it clear, i didn't get the interview for Vancouver, and now i get to work through that messy emotional response vs. theological response. It's not right to pretend i don't feel disappointed or angry but it is also irresponsible and foolish to ignore all that i know from Scripture of God's sovereign dealings with us. This, apparently, is what gives God most glory right now and so (like it or not) i must learn to be content whatever my circumstance. I don't have to "see it" or "get it" - just trust that He is faithful and good. Ok. So? Where to now?