There have, of course been many beginnings - seven before this one to be exact - and there are many questions that surround this one in particular viz. if God did grant me this position, where would we live? (we want our girls to have a yard someday) how likely is it that i will get on w/ a dept. that is notriously difficult to get into? how many guys are you up against in a city this size? and on and on.
And yet all these questions get immediately swallowed up in, "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth!" Ps. 46:10, or "Now therefore stand still and see this great thing that the Lord will do before your eyes." I Sam. 12:16 Comforting and utterly humbling words all at once to an axious, prideful heart: 'be still. stand still. you're not in control of this or anything else, so ... what are you freaking out about again?' It is still not automatic or completely natural yet, but i do find it much easier these days to release anxiety and rest in the things i know to be true about my God; what D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones called, 'talking to yourself instead of listening to yourself.'
I can tell Christ has done a work in my heart though b/c, along with the possibility of getting on and at last stepping into this part of my calling as a husband and a father and a man, i love the fact that i was told by the Firefighters for Christ guy that there are like two or three known Christians in the entire dept. - and my heart just leaps and longs for an opportunity to shine for Him AND have the best job in the world!
We'll see what He has in store for this: while God is perfecting TRUST in my life, PATIENCE to wait for Him is still nowhere near as far along ;)